I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
