I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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