His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
