I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
