The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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