I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
