I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
