Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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