i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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