absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
