apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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