My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
