just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
