woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
