her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
