she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
