im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
