never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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