Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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