I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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