Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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