Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Randomize
