Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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