Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
