Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
