If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
