On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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