i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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