Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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