Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
