Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
