Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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