the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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