I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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