3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wrigley field is MILF paradise
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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