Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
