the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
