There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
