i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
