PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
