i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
