I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
