You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
