yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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