it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
