Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will be naked everywhere
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
