So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
