Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
