Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
