the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
