btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He better not be in your backpack
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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