life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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