you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
