you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
