hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
