The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
